Guys, if you know about horror movies you know that the virginal lady is always the one to survive. So it’s not really about the end, but how they get there.

I recorded this movie on a whim a few months ago. I couldn’t help myself. Who names a movie “Donkey Punch”, seriously.

While searching for the trailer to post here, I ended up watching a review of the trailer (people review trailers? Lazy.) and they were like “omg who is the audience for this?” and “omg it’s too weird”. It really wasn’t all that weird, it was more like what happens when things go wrong during sexy times on a boat. Kinda like 28 Days Later with bros and ladies with poor judgement instead of zombies and Cillian Murphy. Truthfully I was kinda surprised at how long it took to get sinister.

Basically three ladies are in Spain, I think to cheer up the one lady because she got dumped (this movie is British and sometimes it is hard to tell what the crap they are saying). They go drinking, find some dudes who are moderately handsome enough and go with them to their boat.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets out the crack pipe. Two of the ladies get all messed up and decide to do it with two of the guys (and another gets to watch… there are 4 guys, 3 girls. Clearly the dynamics are a bit off).

Surprise! The one with a slight facial deformity is evil! So is the brother! They trade off on one girl and the face guy ends up egging on the nerdy brother who punches the blonde one in the back of the head while they are doing it. Hard. She dies.

Now comes the part where they try to figure out what to do with the dead girl, and how to avoid taking the blame. The face guy is pretty dodgy (he’s the one with the crack) but the brother also ends up revealing himself to be a terrifying man. Oh p.s. they recorded the whole thing so there is a power struggle over who has the tape. No one really wants to go to jail here.

 

The girls are trying to escape the boys, who are getting more and more scary. There is a hilarious part where a lady shoots a flare right in a guy’s chest and he dies a spectacular, fiery death.

A little whiff of Patrick Batemen on this one, no? Anyway, this movie got 5.3 on IMDB but I think that was kinda harsh. It probably deserved more like a 6. I mean really, considering Black Hole got almost a 4. It’s only fair. I think if you are into horror movies it is ok. Not great, not terrible. Just ok.

Maine says: It’s like Lord of the Flies with a smaller budget, bros instead of kids, and lots of meth.

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