Archives: 2011 June

There is actually no way for me to really spoil this one for you either. It is exactly what you expect: Nicholas Cage being awesome, cars, explosions, people getting punched. And it is awesome.

Basically the story goes like this: Nic Cage is John Milton, a dude who died but then came back to dead to rescue his newborn granddaughter, who was stolen by a crazy cult after the leader murdered his daughter. They plan to sacrifice her to Satan on the full moon, which is in 2 days.

So he escapes from Hell, and the Accountant is sent after him to capture him and bring him back. Along the way he sort of makes friends with a lady who was a waitress at the restaurant he stops at when he’s trying to find out where the cult is headed. For some reason she decides to go along with him; really there is no reason other than she’s hot, has a sweet car and on top of the explosions they needed to give guys (and ladies who like ladies I suppose) another reason to watch this movie.

For me the most hilarious part was when I realized that the cult leader is Bella’s dad from Twilight. Once you figure that out you spend the rest of the movie being like “Charlie, no!” Suddenly I have more respect for that guy.

Oh p.s. if you didn’t see this movie in the theatre I feel bad for you because the 3D part was especially hilarious when Milton is boning a lady in a hotel and then the cult shows up to try to kill him. If there is one thing 3D was invented for, it is 3D boobs (see also: Piranha 3D).

In conclusion, if you are into terrible and hilarious action movies you should watch this one because, admit it, you’ve always wanted to see Bella’s dad smear blood all over his face after eating a lady.

Might I also suggest picking up this set, and inviting your friends over to drink beer out of skulls while you watch this.

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Hello friends,

I haven’t made an art in a while. And I know people say this is normal, like, you finish school and then you kinda just hang out for a while. But I don’t really want it to be normal.

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I am not a self starter. I procrastinate. A lot. And I worry about things and I get paralyzed by the fear of Not Being Good Enough. And the hilarious part of that is, if you do not practice a thing, how will you ever be good at it?

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So. I have to make some things. I have to be bad at it for a while. This is how life goes. I am going to start an embroidery sampler, like a real proper one, using my old timey 1970s book for help. It will probably not be great but as long as it is not the last thing I ever do I think it will be ok. I like embroidery because it is like drawing, except you have to go really slow and for me that makes it look less awful than if I were to actually take pencil to paper.

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A good way to be creative is to surround yourself with creative people. The downside to that is if the creative people you surround yourself with are so awesome it might distract you from doing a thing. Eeeep!

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Are you a maker of things? How do you find time and motivation? Tips?

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Hi guys remember that time like 6 months ago where I promised to do this and then kinda, just, never did? Yeah me either. Trust me though, it happened. You could even go back in time to, oh, say, January and read it for yourself. I could do it for you but I don’t want to. Just trust me. This was an idea I had so I could be one of those fancy schmancy organized blogger folk who have features. What, am I not feature enough for you?

So here we go. I have time now to do this. I’m going to watch all the crappy movies so you don’t have to. That’s even going to be my slogan. Let’s start.

Today we look at “Going the Distance” featuring Drew Barrymore and Justin Long. Let’s start with the trailer:

I just watched the trailer again to make sure it doesn’t give too much away (I want to be the one to do that) but I am not gonna lie to you: the only surprise about this movie is that there were actually some parts that I laughed at. I know right?! Everything else unfolds exactly as you expect it to:

Dude meets a lady at the bar. She’s really awesome at a nerd game! They go to his place and bone, then the next day they decide they’re going to do a casual thing because she’s moving away. Surprise! In just six short weeks they decide they like each other too much and are going to do the Long Distance Thing.

If you’ve ever done that yourself in your real life, you have a pretty good idea of what is going to happen. They’re going to spend a lot of money on their phone bills. They’re going to spend even more money flying to visit each other. And most of all, there’s going to be some heartache and some trust issues. And like most romantic comedies, they’re going to break up and then realize they can’t live without each other!

But since this is 2011 and ladies are allowed to have ambition, the “twist” in this one is Drew wants to move to New York to be with Justin but she also wants to get her Dream Job. When she finally gets it, it is in San Francisco, which is not anything at all like New York. (For more information, please compare “Friends” with “Full House”.)

And Justin, well, he’s not a douchebag like the boyfriend in “The Devil Who Wears Prada” who guilted and whined about his lady friend’s ambitions. He’s going to Do The Right Thing and break up with her because it’s too hard to be without her, but it’s even harder to be the guy who made her give up her dream to be with her Dream Boat. What a guy!

Of course he’ll soon realize that his life in New York is empty and he’ll be the one to move. See how modern this movie is!

Seriously though, it was on Movie Central so it was kind of for free (Movie Central is $17 but once you have it you can watch whatever whenever on the On Demand). I would say it is predictable but worthwhile enough if only for the part where Barrymore and her movie sister Christina Applegate discuss oral sex. Openly! This is kind of like when movies show penis, only even more shocking because it is from a lady perspective (quite literally).

My opinion: If you’ve got nothing better to do, you could probably put it on and like, moisturize your feet or something. But your life will not be empty and hollow if you pass on it, either.

However, P.S. How cute is her little bow tie in this dinner scene?

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